Rush (Poem)

Disclaimer: I don’t normally write poetry. This is a travel blog, sort of, and this poem has nothing to do with travel. I just happen to be stuck in Luang Prabang, Laos, and it is raining. Ergo, I can share the pain of being wet by proxy, as you, dear reader, get to read my shitty poem 🙂

 

Thanks to my sister – a much better writer than I – for providing some constructive advice.

Random Photo from Luang Prabang

Despite being a photo of a real flower, I kind of think that this looks a bit like a Banksy stencil.

 

The best temple in Cambodia

Angkor whaa? Nope, I'm not talking about Cambodia's most famous temple here. Angkor Wat was actually my least favourite temple in Siem Reap – despite being the largest, and having some excellent carvings, for me the temple simply did not inspire awe in the way the Bayon or Ta Promh do. Or, for that matter, Beng Melea, which in my view is the best temple in Cambodia.

Getting to Beng Melea involves getting a Tuk Tuk for about two and half hours. While this sounds daunting to those on a tight schedule, it's well worth the drive. It's not covered by the $20 temple pass, so you'll have to shell out a whole $5 for entry. At one point our Tuk Tuk – driven by trusty driver Keo (pr. Cow) – threatened to overheat, but fortunately it got there.

The first time I saw the temple I felt a wave of awe wash over me. It would have to be one of the most unique places I have been in my life.

Stone blocks, carpeted in a verdant green moss, lie scattered like lego-bricks thrown around by an irascible child. Gnarled trees, imbued with some kind of unknown spiritual motivation (maybe ancient disciples of Shiva), have undertaken the task of slowly ripping the temple apart. It's like watching destruction at the speed of grass growing.

There are also some highly atmospheric spots in the temple, such as this one – a tree, its roots casting a net-like mesh over the rock, has perched itself exactly at the apex of an arch:

I was amazed that I only saw one or two other tourists whilst there – I think this is a “must do” in Cambodia despite the distance.

Halong Bay

I had initially planned to go to Cat Ba island by myself, however when I found out that the accomodation was virtually sold out, I decided it might not be such a good idea to rock up and 'see what happened'. My time was pretty limited so I ended up booking a cruise. I'm naturally suspicious of these kind of things, so I had rather low expectations.

It turned out to be alright; they even prepared vego food (I had been planning to fast) and the room on the boat was actually pretty decent when compared to a hotel. As for the scenery, the limestone karsts were very impressive, which was all I really cared about anyway. Here are a couple of photos I snapped:

 

The boat played a trance clubbing beat as we were cruising. Obviously this was the perfect complement to the sublime scenery passing by – mountains are naturally better when put to dubstep.

In the morning it was raining, but I quite liked the effect on the mountains – it rendered some of them indistinct and to the eye appeared to blur together with the sky.

If you're planning on visiting, I'd suggest booking a two night cruise. There are lot of boats out there, many are actually locals going to visit, and the longer cruise goes further off the beaten track. (FYI I took the one night cruise).

 

I met some great people on the boat, including some German backpackers, an English couple, a group of people from Malaysia, some American guys and a Vietnamese lady. Definitely a good way to meet people and have a chat whilst soaking up some of the scenery!

Back online

Sorry all for the dearth of posts – most Vietnamese ISPs have a blanket ban on WordPress and Blogspot. This seems to be done through a crude form of DNS poisoning that redirects to another “site not found” server. Curiously it doesn't seem to be all ISPs – one that I used in Hanoi seemed to work fine, that or my iPad was caching the DNS entries.

 

While technical circumvention would have been no challenge for a man of my good looks, I'd heard a story that the police had been searching for a backpacker who'd written a blog entry critical of the Vietnamese government. Probably not a smart move if you're still in the country 😉

 

Fortunately I have nothing negative to say about Vietnam as a country – I mostly enjoyed my time there as a tourist and don't feel qualified to comment on its political situation – but it's probably worth being careful of posting anything just in case it is misunderstood. So expect some blog entries shortly with all the juicy adventures 🙂

Hello World : 3

When is a door not a door? When it's a portal, of course.

 

 

 

Odd things one finds whilst travelling

I came across a rather odd sight at Hoam Kiep. A group of about 20-30 elderly people were doing a workout by the lakeside to a Lil' Wayne song.

I guess this is how the Americans are getting back at the Vietnamese … if you can't win using military strength, then club them into submission with shitty derivative hip-hop.

If you're reading this, Lil' Wayne, I make no apologies. Die.

Hello World : 2

The second installment in the best comic ever.

 

Hello World : 1

The idea is simple. What happens with signs when we're not watching?

 

 

Sexy Onsen Man and the Spring Source

Only the crooked sleep well in this town. Me, I can't sleep until the city has quietened down. I usually hit the dive bars or flip some records at J's before I can get into the bed…

Today was different. I'd slept well – too well – and I was late into the office. Carmel stared daggers at me. “Out on the town?” This was her way of finding out whether I'd been with a woman. She'd pick around the edges, trying to find something incriminating. She was a good assistant, I thought. Made a good research assistant; would probably make a good detective too. I grunted. She wasn't getting anything out of me today.

 

She pushed a package towards me, a post-pack containing what looked like a stack of paper. “What was she like?”

 

I tore the paper open without replying to her. “Taipei?” I asked, bemused. “Why would they need Sexy Onsen Man there?” Carmel sniffed. “Well, the Japanese occupied Taiwan … maybe they built an Onsen there or something. I thought you were the detective here.”

 

There was a knock at the door. I nodded to Carmel to open it. Not many people come to my door, and most of them are butt-ugly. This one was beautiful, a tall Chinese girl with long eyelashes, a short perm a red bag. She smiled at Carmel and then at me. “Sexy Onsen Man?” I gulped and nodded quickly. “And I thought it was just a name. Move it, pretty boy.” Before I could say anything she removed a tiny Pistol from the bag and gestured for me to move over with Carmel, who was shaking violently.

 

She grabbed the sheaf of papers and stuffed them back into the bag. With a sweep of her head she surveyed the room. “You never received this. You understand.” It was a question with the question mark removed. Meaning she meant business. I understood, but I was damned if I was going to say it. She nodded, a single, precise nod, and backed out of the room to the lift. The door closed with a bing and she was gone.

 

I exhaled slowly through my teeth and walked to the window to see where she had gone. I couldn't see her anywhere or see a car. After five minutes I gave up. “We should call the cops,” began Carmel. “Are you crazy? The fuzz don't do jack about this kind of thing. Besides i'm not in their good books either. No,” I stopped, rubbing my chin. “We're not going to call the cops. I'm going to Taipei.”

 

“I'm coming with you,” she said defiantly. I looked at her, evaluating whether I had a say in the matter. Probably not. If I fought it she'd pull the “you're leaving me unprotected” card.

 

——-

 

The plane touched down at 2100. The taxi driver spoke a smear of english and smoked in the taxi, despite a red sticker with a cross through a butt. I lit up too, much to Carmel's disgust. “No hotel,” he said, glancing in the rear view mirror. “Sorry?” “No hotel free.”

 

I shrugged. There'd be somewhere. There always was. A thought crossed my mind. “Are there any Onsens in this town?” “Onsen?” “Hot spring. Bath.” I sighed. He wasn't going to be any help.

 

“B2.”

 

“What does that mean?” I asked.

 

“B2 Spring”.

 

Carmel coughed and nudged me. “Beitou.” She pointed at a sign.

 

I made a decision instinctively. “Turn left,” I told the driver. “Let's go there.” He nodded and headed up the onramp. I finished my cigarette and lit another. This one lasted until we got to Beitou station, where the driver dumped us unceremoniously.

 

The streets were dark, lit only by the bright signs outside the shops. Nonetheless, I could tell this was Onsen terroritory by looking at some of the clues that lay scattered around.

 

I turned to Carmel to check she was following. The action saved my life. Beside my head the shot harmlessly splintered into the concrete. I shouted to Carmel to get down, and the black Mercedes S-Class sped up and shot off around the corner. Shit, I thought. That was close.

 

We grabbed the nearest hotel – as luck would have it it was an Onsen resort. We had to share a room, as there was only the one left. Carmel was in the private bath by the time I'd finished writing my notes. She called for me to come in, and as I did I noticed her underwear on the floor. Shit, I thought, it didn't pay to get involved with one's employees, but it was too late now. She was in the bath, just her head poking out, covered by a thick layer of steam. “Hold me, SexyOnsenMan,” she implored, beckoning with one hand. How could I refuse? She was, after all, a damn fine woman. I slipped off my yukata and stepped into the bath …

 

 

 

——-

 

The next morning was hell. Carmel was a mess and was still jumpy about being shot at, so I told her to stay in the hotel and not to answer the door. I ventured out, my 9mm tucked into the back of my jeans. Where could I go? I racked my brains. I was in Taiwan because a package had been sent to me, and then a woman had stolen it at gunpoint. Then somebody had shot at me from a car without plates. There was virtually nothing to go on – I didn't have a shred of evidence. I shrugged and figured I'd go to the source of the hot spring. It was as good as any a place to start.

 

Thermal Valley was steaming and hot, yet I immediately sensed something was wrong. Years of training had taught my nose to pick up the slightest smell of sulfur; I was known to be able to call out the chemicals in the spring water like a food critic listing the ingredients in an eight-course degustation. Yet here there was a hint of sulfur, but nowhere near enough produced by volcanic output.

 

I cocked my head. It couldn't be fake, I thought. The water was too clean for that; besides, the pumps would have made a noise, and the spring had been around before electricity. I jumped the rail and pushed on into the jungle beyond the stream.

 

Instead of jungle, I found a fortified complex with security cameras and barbed wire. I inhaled loudly and stepped out of sight of the camera, hoping it hadn't seen me. Who the hell builds a fortress near a hot spring? I thought. Clearly someone with something to hide.

I crept around the back, keeping out of the line of sight of the cameras. Despite being strong, the wall had cracked slightly at the back. The fortress wasn't well maintained, and the rotator on the left camera had stopped working, leaving a blind spot in the centre of the wall. I climbed up and peeked over.

 

I almost fell backwards in surprise. There was a pipe gushing cold water into a circular tub, in which five women were sitting. All were naked, and all of them were gorgeous. One of them was the theif who had stolen the package. An outflow pipe poured out hot water into the reservoir. I crooked my neck, trying to make sense of what I was seeing. Then the brick under me gave way, and I was falling, falling into the compound.

 

——–

 

When I came to, the first thing I saw was Carmel, who was bound in a chair. I blinked, and realized that I was in the same predicament. “How?” I began.

 

“They came for me in the hotel. I'm not sure how they got in. Your face… they beat you?”

 

I grimaced. I had no idea how bad I looked after falling off the wall. I hoped it was nothing permanent; in my line of work, my face was important. 'Ugly Onsen Man' just didn't cut it. “Fell off a wall.” She nodded.

 

“I think I can move my arm,” she said, wiggling her elbow inside the binding. “Yep, it's coming free.” She lifted her arm out, then twisted around behind her back. The rope came away in a fluid motion. She came over and tried to untie me. My rope must have been made of something different, because it refused to come away easily. She pulled a flickknife from her sock.

 

“You're more deadly than you look,” I murmured as she cut me free. She smiled opaquely.

 

I crooked open the door. The women were still sitting in the tub.

 

I edged out holding Carmel's knife. I could see a gun lying on the table and started slowly creeping towards it. Just as I was about to lay hands on it I felt the cold steel of a silencer in my neck. “Don't turn around.” It was the theif who had come to my apartment. Damn, I cursed to myself, how could I have not counted? “You can bring your friend out too.”

 

I called to Carmel to come out. She walked out of the storeroom cautiously.

 

The woman looked at Carmel. I knew instantly she'd made a rookie mistake, as looking at Carmel meant taking her eyes off me. I grabbed her gun hand and punched her hard in the face. The gun went off impotently into the wall somewhere. She screamed but it was too late, I had the gun. I looked at my hand where I'd grabbed her arm. The skin was blackened and blistered. What the hell? I thought.

 

“What's going on?” Demanded Carmel. She had picked up the gun on the bench. “Why are you trying to kill us? Who are you?”

 

“We're hot Taiwanese women,” said the theif.

 

“I can see that,” I said, smirking. “And I'm Sexy. Sexy Onsen Man.”

 

She shook her head impatiently. “No, we're hot.” She turned to one of the other group members and said something in Mandarin.

 

“We're natural sources of heat,” explained the other woman. “The river water keeps us cool. This is our home. For years the locals had stories of witches. Generation after generation we were hunted. Then… we found out about natural springs elsewhere in Japan. It was the perfect excuse. We add sulfur to the water, and nobody knows the difference.”

 

“Except you,” interjected the theif. “That's why we had to kill you – to protect the secret.” She looked at Carmel. “You know too much.”

 

I nodded slowly, mulling the severity of the situation. “What if we just don't tell anyone? I mean, we could walk away and nobody would be any the wiser?” I tilted the gun in my hand. “Or I could just shoot you.”

 

They didn't really have a choice. Nobody chooses to die. “Everything I know will be held by a lawyer. If either of us dies – you know what will happen.” The thief and the other girl nodded. “Good.” We slowly edged out of the compound and crashed through the jungle back to Thermal Valley. I ditched my gun in the hot water and motioned for Carmel to do the same.

 

Carmel smiled. “Who would have thought?”

 

I nodded, relieved she was okay after the ordeal. “I told you the women in Taiwan are hot,” I said jokingly, and she hit my arm.